Exit Music (For a Thesis)

As much as I want to scream it from the Appalachian mountaintops, I am keeping the following information relatively low-key. I turned in my thesis to my committee last evening. All 142 glorious pages.

Well, low-key except that I told Hernan and Tatiana in the library because I saw them after I printed it out. (P.S. Sorry to the library patrons trying to print at the same time!) And I told 2 of my students because I was late to my office hours because of it. And Dr. Partyka because she's a nerd like me, and she would care. And I told Dr. Jokisch because his office is right by Dr. Whitson's. And I called my mom, because hey, you would, too. Ok so I didn't keep it low-key, did I? But I'm not plastering it all over facebook because I feel like it will jinx me. Plus I don't want people to come to my defense. After the defense I will become less low-key. But until then...Breathe, keep breathing...

WTF AZ?

I have been putting the finishing touches on my thesis. The concluding remarks I am adding at this point are more of a reflection of the "idea" of Latin America (to use Mignolo's phrase). One of my main closing arguments is that San Diego is Latin America, and thus belongs rightly as a space studied for a Latin American Studies thesis along with its sister city of Tijuana. (Although perhaps it would be more accurate to say that "Latin America" in itself is a problematic construction and concept invented to be a distinction between the "two worlds" of the Americas. Shit, I don't even believe in the concept or use of Latin America anymore and I am about to have a degree in "Latin American Studies").

In my conclusion I discuss how nationality was not used as an identifier for my informants because national identity becomes fluid for many inhabitants of the US-Mexico borderlands. I argue that by highlighting politically and socially constructed borders, the US practices a continued colonization of Mexico. By reinforcing what makes "Us" different from "Them," one group posits itself as superior. I just finished writing about how labeling individuals of the borderlands as "Mexican" or "American" is inappropriate in an area where many are likely to have more in common with someone on the other side of the border than their own.

But just as I am writing all of this into my conclusion, Arizona governor Jan Brewer signs a bill that legalizes racial profiling in the state in order to combat illegal immigration. Pardon my spit take. Alicia Mendez sums up some of the details and problems with this bill here. This is scary business, folks. To begin, the probable future of racial/ethnic/(lingual?) profiling in Arizona that will come about as a result of this measure is sickening. How can you tell if someone is an illegal immigrant, meriting probable cause to ask for proof of citizenship? Well I'll tell you one thing, I won't be stopped on the Arizona streets anytime soon due to SB 1070. So we can cross off gingers (daywalkers?) off the suspicion list... But what confuses me more than ever is the contradiction present in the conservative agenda here. Tea partiers are all up in arms because they think their freedoms are being taken away, right? Less government control, they say. And yet, they agree with a measure that will make it so that every Arizona citizen may have to carry around papers that confirm your legal residence in the US. And if you don't have that information at hand you can be detained. (Not if you are Anglo, though).

And one more thing...Are we forgetting the history of Mexico and the US Southwest?
I feel like I am in a weird time warp. What's next? I am officially scared about the direction things have been going lately. This climate of fear has a lot of people spring loaded and ready to pounce. And those people have guns.

It is at times like this that I need to take a deep breath, remember the teachings of Leslie Marmon Silko's Almanac of the Dead, and hope that I am not left to befall the same fate as the Destroyers.

Update 04.27: I love that Mexico has responded with a travel advisory for Mexicans traveling to Arizona. "Although details on how the law will be enforced remain unclear, the ministry said, 'it must be assumed that every Mexican citizen may be harassed and questioned without further cause at any time.'"

Teaching Funk

I'm in kind of a teaching funk lately. Which is unfortunate because I have applied to be a Spanish teacher at 5 different universities/colleges in Ohio and California. I call this a funk because maybe it is temporary and I will fall back in line in a couple of days, as many of us often do... Personally, I think I'm good at teaching Spanish for the most part. I try to simplify grammar by making it visual, and I break it down thoroughly. I've had students say that compared to previous Spanish teachers I make things very understandable. Then again, I think every TA probably has some students tell them that because we all teach differently and all students learn best through different strategies.

Enter: the problem. When I get anxious, all of my well-thought-out planning goes to shit. I start to confuse myself, and when that happens how am I supposed to explain it to a room of 21 confused faces? I get the simplest madlibs terms (verbs, nouns) mixed up not because I forget what they are, but because under pressure I'm just spitting out words without thinking. Try explaining why the gerund in English is actually represented in Spanish through both the infinitive and the gerund. And the thing is, I have done that successfully. To a T. Twice. This is my third time teaching this lesson. But something escaped me this time. After some toying with the concepts last night, I think I've broken it down adequately, and I will be reviewing the lesson to make sure it's clear. But when you have a room full of students giving you nonverbal clues that they have no idea what you are talking about, it's a little disheartening.

And that isn't even necessarily why I have been thinking that I don't want to teach. Mostly I feel less enthused about the whole thing for two reasons.
1. Many students here HAVE to take a foreign language. They don't want to be there, they hate Spanish, and they fight me and the language every step of the way. This makes it hard for me to get the information through to them, because all they can think about is how miserable they are taking a class that "will never help" them "in the real world" (I beg to differ by the by). When they resist, it really is just making it harder on them. I end up spending so much time dumbing down the material that the students who actually do care are bored stupid. I would like to apologize to them, because they are the best students.
2. Because we are in a system where grades mean everything, students want to fight with me over every point. Most often, they try to weasel their way out of the attendance policy, which I follow strictly in order to keep my job. Lately students have been basically asking me what each point I take off is for. If I give a student a 4/5 on participation for March 28, they want to know why. What happened to the authority of a teacher? I think that being a TA makes students think they can walk all over you. Especially with me because I do happen to take it easy on them sometimes. Give them an inch and they will take a mile.

Anyway, maybe if I could teach a Spanish class full of people that actually want to be there, I would be happy with my job. And those few students who care and try do make it all worth while. So it feels hypocritical to make those students sit through the bullshit so that I can make things easier on the students who don't study or pay attention as much. So it might be time for a new policy.

Also I don't think chai is much better when it comes to anxiety. I guess I'm going to have to resort to...hot water? Megann suggested yerba mate. I haven't gotten the good ol' mate out in a while, so that might be my experimental pick-me-up drink next week.

Big Fan vs. Buffalo 66

All I know is the world of response papers and data analysis. This has seeped into my personal life. Here is a comparison of two films: Big Fan and Buffalo 66.

Big Fan (2009)
Oswalt plays 37-year old “Paul from Staten Island,” one of the biggest NY Giant fans in town, but also maybe one of the most broke. He works at a parking garage payment booth and lives with his mother who nags him about getting a job and family, things that “normal people” have. He loves to tailgate at the home Giants games, but unfortunately can only afford to watch the games on TV in the parking lot with his best (only?) friend, Sal (Kevin Corrigan). He especially idolizes Quantrell Bishop, the Giants’ star quarterback. He gets his kicks from calling a local radio show and ragging out his arch-nemesis-of-the-radio-waves, Philadelphia Phil (Michael Rappaport, hell yeah!). Long story short, said idol QB Bishop kicks the shit out of Paul in a nightclub and as a result Phil is comatose for three days. When he comes back-to, he is surrounded by reporters, detectives, and his own attorney brother who all want him to press charges. Paul just wants the Giants to do well, and he knows if Bishop is convicted, he won’t be able to play. This is Paul’s struggle.

Buffalo 66 (1998)
Billy Brown was brought up by a neurotic and selfish family. His mother (Anjelica Huston) is an avid Buffalo Bills fan and thinks about little else. His father (Ben Gazzara) is, well, a weird asshole? Billy gets out of jail and has to reconstruct the glamorous lifestyle he has been lying to his parents about since his incarceration. Enter Layla (Christina Ricci). Kidnapped and forced to play into the charade as Billy's doting wife, "Wendy Balsam," Ricci goes along with the whole thing. An odd family reunion ensues, and we get a taste of just how weird Billy’s life must have always been. We wonder, how did he get into jail in the first place? Well, ironically enough, it’s because of the Bills, baby. Billy Brown made a bet for the Bills to win the Superbowl, and surprise surprise, they don’t win. He doesn’t have the cash to pay for the bet, so he takes the wrap for someone else’s crime (we never know what this crime is). This is in exchange for the bookie (Mickey Rourke) to not break his legs. Billy never forgets the losing game, and blames the Bill’s (quarterback?) Scott Woods. He goes to Woods’ strip club to blow his brains out.

So we have NFL football teams and their failures as big blows to the protagonists of these films. Both Paul and Billy have families that seemingly do not understand them. One key difference here is that Paul doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not, and expects his family to take him at face value. Billy, on the other hand, hides his incarceration from his family, replacing the truth with a string of lies about his successful government job and loving wife. Both Paul and Billy plan the violent demise of a nemesis, but neither actually goes through with it. And both have encounters with their (former or current) football hero. Each of them has a loser best friend, and guess what, they are played by the same actor (Kevin Corrigan)!!! I think I have a new favorite actor by the way, and it is he. He isn’t even credited in Buffalo 66 by the way. He was also in Zebrahead and True Romance along with Michael Rappaport, oh the connections!
Both of these films are darkly funny, but Buffalo 66 is definitely darker. I think Big Fan is trying to be a more mainstream version of Buffalo 66, but I don’t think the mainstream public got the memo, because I don’t think Big Fan did very well in theaters. Either way, I think most people would like Big Fan, if only nominally, and it’s nice to see a new movie every now and again. I won’t be going out to buy it anytime soon, but it is good to know that not everything hitting theaters these days is a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston.

Update: Coincidentally enough, I checked out the Rotten Tomatoes webpage and saw that they are currently accepting submissions for Homage or Stealing: You Make the Call, a segment sometimes featured on the show. I submitted another video for consideration, check it out on their page! Here's hoping they use it!

Descafeinada

As you may or may not know, I have been forced to give up coffee (to an extent). I have drunk (yes, drunk is the past participle, and drank is only the past simple form, I had to look it up. If that were in Spanish I would have known it but I apparently have yet to master English) coffee since the fourth grade. Well, it's not like I was drinking it on the reg back in my preteens, but I was an early starter. And maybe it is because of this that I am having such a time with the beverage as of late. When I drink coffee on the weekends, it doesn't seem to affect me negatively at all. However, when I drink during the week, I am a ball of nerves by the time I teach. My heart starts pounding hard and fast as I start to think about facing the 20+ students from the front of the classroom. Usually when I get in the room and start instructing, the anxiety goes away. But since I teach at 5pm, the anxiety and stress usually carries on all day.

So I decided to switch to tea. And I love tea, especially iced. But as a coffee replacement, I still wanted the thickness I get with coffee. I don't want a watery broth, I want something with substance! So I decided to go with chai so I can mix it with milk and all that goodness. But chai mixes can be expensive and if I'm giving up something as monumental as coffee, I want to make my tea a little special. So I have been making this chai that I think is pretty delish.

<-Note the ominous espresso maker taunting me in the background.
Oh Mai Chai!
1 Lipton's tea bag (nothing else will suffice! Lipton's is the shit.)
5 whole cloves
1/4 cinnamon stick (can be saved and reused for future chai endeavors)
1/4 tsp. ground cardamom
1 tsp. honey (I use a local Cantrell honey, yum yum. I also hear that using local honey helps abate allergies, which is much needed this season!)
Add some boiled water (I swear by my electric kettle) and let the ingredients steep in your favorite mug.
After it's done steeping, add some vanilla soymilk to your taste.

Spices can be expensive, but there's usually a cheaper store brand you can buy. Of course you can always opt for ground cinnamon as well. I usually spoon out the cloves and cinnamon stick for another round or two of chai-making to make it last.

In case you are wondering, this is, in fact, my favorite mug. Well, at least second favorite. And doesn't the chai at least look like coffee? I think that is part of the battle for me. I have to trick myself into thinking it is coffee. Bottoms up and buen provecho!

Oh the Places I've Been

This is semi-plagiarizing Jessica's blog entry, but I have my own unique spin on it.

I wasn't expecting to add my own GoogleEarth experience to my blog, but while I was putting off my Conclusion chapter for my thesis, I decided to look up the house I lived in while living in New Mexico. I went to Roswell, NM through an internship with the Student Conservation Association. A worthwhile experience, by the way. If you are in between jobs/educational pursuits, I highly recommend you consider an internship with the SCA. Through them I worked four 10-hour days per week chainsawing invasive tamarisk (a.k.a. salt cedar) trees in the New Mexican desert. For the majority of the trip, I lived in a humble little house in Roswell, New Mexico with three other interns.

The course of this internship was 4 months, and it was two and a half years ago. So it was much to my surprise when I looked up the address on GoogleEarth and saw my car in the driveway.


I decided to look up all of the other places I have lived as well. Most of them are not too interesting. Many of them do not have a street view, and even the aerial views are a little blurry. But I think the far-away photo of the house where I grew up is a fairly good portrayal of a middle-America suburb.
(Cue Weeds theme song, "Little Boxes")

And last, but not least, you have probably heard me talking/seen me writing about my dream apartment in San Diego lately. The street view of the place does not do it justice. There is a UPS truck along with street maintenance crews and traffic. That is not the Marine Street I learned to love. Here is an aerial view. I think you will understand what I loved so much about it simply from this view.

I can smell the salty sea air right now...

Silencio. (Ponderings on David Lynch)

That is the final word of David Lynch's Mulholland Drive. No hay banda. No hay orquesta. Silencio.



Sorry about the Portuguese subtitles. Or not.

Here's la Llorona de Los Angeles. Clearly the best rendition of Crying I have ever heard.



But damnit, what does it all mean? Of course I could (and have done so to an extent) look up this information online, to see what the other cinephiles have to say. But I have preferred to try to come up with my own interpretations through personal conversation and discussion. It is because of the complexity and ambiguity of Mr. Lynch's works that has, as of late, sparked my interest once again in the world of film and cinema. I only wish I could be in a film class discussing Lynch in a room full of people for class credit.

Here's another scene with subtitles in Portuguese again. The Cowboy.




So in the film, the Cowboy shows up two more times to the audience. But maybe only once to the director. Did he do bad? He followed the Cowboy's orders, so he did good, right? My brain is scrambled. I learned that Mulholland Dr. was originally a pilot episode, so maybe a great deal of things were presented that would have been otherwise uncovered in the course of a television series, but loose ends were left that could not be tied up in a 2.5 hour movie. Anyone? Anyone?

In high school I was introduced to a myriad of some of my favorite films by two of my good friends, Dan and Matt. They introduced me to all of this craziness at 16, 17, 18 years old, but never talked to me about it. (If either of you read this by the way, why the hell didn't we talk about these??) For the most part, I would watch all of these movies alone, and either be creeped out or awestruck. Even after being creeped out (with such films as Gummo), I still obsessed over the movies enough to conclude that I did, in fact, like them. Then I bought them and watched them again. Alone. Here is a list of my movie collection by the way. If I know you in the flesh, and you are interested in borrowing any of them, you may. For a nominal fee. Just kidding. Though I have been thinking of starting up my own little Netflix business since I rarely watch any of my movies these days.

I am happy that I am now starting to discuss these movies out loud with Jose and Jeff so that I can A. get my own thoughts out in a semi-cohesive manner, and B. get someone else's insights and perspectives that I may have otherwise not considered.

If you think you might like to get into some David Lynch, but you are a novice, I would recommend not going in chronological order with his films. Starting with Eraserhead might just turn you off. Save that one for last. Start with something tamer, like The Elephant Man (which, coincidentally I have not yet seen). Or maybe The Straight Story, a G-rated Disney flick directed by Lynch. He reported said about the film: "Tenderness can be just as abstract as insanity." True that Mr. L. Once you get the tame stuff out of the way, go after Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive. Try a little Twin Peaks while you're at it (start with the series, move on to the film Fire Walk with Me). I know I just put a link there to the opening credits, but that song and footage will take your mind and heart to an emotional place if you fall in love with the series like I did. Be wary of the second season, though. People start turning into doorknobs.



I sure love Agent Dale Cooper. Watch out for Mr. Lynch in this clip as well (at 00:36).

I will conclude with a list of some of my favorite films from my collection. A second installment will follow in a later entry. They are in alphabetical order because their preference is so fluid in my mind. Please do check them out some day. Most of them are available at (insert university/academic institution here)'s library video collection. Expect a review of Antichrist by Lars von Trier in the near future. And if you have seen it, explain that shit to me! Is it intentionally misogynistic? Does the changed ending cheapen the meaning behind the original concept? So many questions! And if you have not seen it, you probably shouldn't, haha.

1. Adaptation- dir. Spike Jonze- The only Nicholas Cage portrayal I enjoy. Meryl Streep does drugs with a toothless Chris Cooper. All around lovely and witty. Favorite line: Chris Cooper (to Meryl Streep) You're shinier than any ant, darlin'.
2. Amores Perros- dir. Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu. I love the whole multiple stories coming together thing. Soundtrack is awesome.
3. Blue Velvet- dir. David Lynch. Kyle McLaughlin is clownin', but Laura Dern still loves him anyway. Isabella Rossalini is nuts, unlike her current Green Porno project with the Sundance Channel, which is totally sane.
4. Buffalo 66- dir. Vincent Gallo. I don't know what to think of Vincent Gallo, or his gigolo ways. But I love this film so much. Angelica Huston is an awesomely selfish Buffalo Bills fan, and Christina Ricci is appropriately plump. If made to pick a favorite NFL team, it would be the Buffalo Bills strictly because of this film.
5. Clockwork Orange- dir. Stanley Kubrick. It is disturbing, yet funny. It has a message and its own language, my little droogies.
6. Dancer in the Dark- dir. Lars von Trier. It is heart-wrenching. Maybe moreso becaus the main character is Bjork. I was her character, Selma, from this film last year for Halloween. I can't say much more about it. There are musical numbers, but that's ok. :)
7. Gummo- dir./writ. Harmony Korrine. Because I openly love this movie, people seem to want to suggest horrific, disturbing movies to me. Many can't stomach this film. It has been, and may always be, one of my favorite films of all time. Key words: Xenia, OH; culture of poverty, black gay Jewish little person; downs syndrome prostitution.
8. The Royal Tenenbaums- dir. Wes Anderson. I still haven't seen Mr. Anderson's new film, Fantastic Mr. Fox, but as a general rule all of his films are winners. This one is my favorite because it was my first one of his. I love Royal Tenebaum's "adopted daughter Margot," another Halloween costume inspiration. I love dry humor. All around fantastic.
9. Happiness- dir. Todd Solondz. Another film that is hard to stomach. It deals with pedophilia and obsession. Phillip Seymour Hoffman at his mouth-breathingest. Last line of the movie (from the mouth of a child) "I came."
10. Me and You and Everyone We Know- dir./writ. Miranda July. I want to meet Miranda July. Judging from her writing I think she is probably like her character in this movie. The characters are all lovable, even the guy who writes and posts sex notes to high school girls in his apartment window. I love that Cody Chestnutt is referenced. This is a great movie. You want to see it. Back and Forth, forever.

Sorry I just put you through that, but this is my passion and I want to share it with you. This is not the last you will hear from me and my favorite films. It is probably not the last you will hear of these movies in particular around these parts, either.

Poppies Will Make Them Sleep

I feel as though I have been suffering from bouts of some form of narcolepsy lately. I'll say up front that this is hyperbole and I don't mean to belittle or trivialize the disease. But I have nodded off the past three times I have been a passenger in a car. I don't have the same spunk and excitement for going out as I used to. It has even been hard to motivate myself to go out in this wonderful weather this weekend to Strouds Run or Fox Lake or Dow Lake or Bong Hill as I certainly would have during my undergrad days. I mean, here I am writing this, looking out the window but not engaging in the outdoors. I will remedy this by at least going on a walk after this. And I really want to orchestrate a trip to Moonville Tunnel, especially for those who have never experienced its glory.

(Here are some photos I have taken at Moonville Tunnel)

I can only hope that by defending my thesis a little earlier in the quarter that I can snap out of this funk and go back to enjoying life. But until then, to my friends with whom I hang out with in the "real world": I apologize for my MIA status as of late, and please be patient as I try to channel a more lively Melissa in the coming month. Fortunately, I have been making excellent progress on my thesis. I have very few revisions to make and a conclusion (5-10 pages) to write. At this rate, it looks as though my committee really will get two weeks to read it before the defense date.

It is official! I defend my thesis on Friday, May 7, 2010. What a relief May 8th will be. And that night I will get to celebrate with lots of friends at Tootharoo '10, a yearly camping trip at my friend Chris' cabin with dozens of our closest friends.