Psychological Self-Diagnosis

Commercials for medication often bring out the hypochondriac in all of us. Maybe you have Restless Leg Syndrome if your feet fall asleep, or Fibromyalgia if you have joint pain and are in your 60's. You may be in dire need of Depression Medication A if...
..you get tired at night. If you are sad sometimes. 
 A new diet medication might be right for you if you if...
...want to eat more than once a day and if your body weight doubled between the ages of 7 and 17. 

I do not deny that people do suffer from the conditions listed above, but it is obvious from the way treatments for these conditions are being marketed that pharmaceutical companies are more concerned in gaining profits than they are with getting their medication to the right people (surprise, surprise). But it is not only the pharmaceutical companies pushing new medical conditions. Books, TV, movies and magazines also do their part to sell us on who we are and what we have, even where there isn't a financial push from a profit-making mechanism (well, maybe ratings have a little something to do with it).

When I read Girl, Interrupted, I was certain that I was also afflicted with the main character's Borderline Personality Disorder. With such generalized and generalizable symptoms, maybe you could feel this way, too. Taken from an informative pamphlet I obtained from a local behavioral health clinic:
The personal may feel confused about- and make sudden changes in- his or her goals [and] direction in life, for example...People with BPD may see themselves as constantly changing, depending on the situation they are in. As a result, they often change jobs, goals, etc...The person may feel the constant need to fill a void in life.

Check, check and check. I feel like I am surprising people (and myself, actually) every day when I explain my newest job application. Sure, I am also getting more and more desperate, but I have gone from applying to teaching positions, to environmental and women's non-profits, to a sushi restaurant and a farm internship in Colorado. I am once again considering applying for PhD programs, but not for Spanish or Latin American Studies as my undergrad and grad school experiences have been so far, but rather for geography. I have gone from academic-related careers to the nonprofit sector to interests in documentary film-making or sketch comedy writing. I get asked what it is I want to do in life and I freak out. Which goal do I say? All of them? Do I try to pick one? One of my mentors was always instrumental in making me feel a little less crazy about my many, and at times diverging, interests. "Find a way to tie them together," she would tell me, and then throw me a couple of examples.

Sounds to me that this is more about my failure at  unemployment once again, and not about an actual psychological disorder. And I hope you do not judge me too harshly for drawing these conclusions, as I in no way intend to make light of psychological conditions (and hopefully it doesn't come through that way). There are legitimately many other symptoms that go along with Borderline Personality Disorder with which I also identify. I do not feel the need to go into those comparisons here, however. If you know someone with BPD and you know me personally, perhaps you could show me the ways in which my condition is different. Or maybe you're thinking, they really are a lot alike...

Chat Roulette

So you have probably heard of or even tried Chat Roulette by now. I assume you have heard of it, because every journalist in the world on every media outlet has covered it. In case you haven't heard of it, or even if you have, check out the following clip about it from Ben Hoffman of Infomania on Current TV. (In case you haven't noticed, I think CurrentTV is the bees knees!) Chat roulette is basically a chat site using a webcam that allows you to connect with, talk to, and look at a random stranger.

I tried Chat Roulette once, and it was obviously creepy. But not necessarily because not one of the people on the other end was female, or because there was some serious groin-groping going on. I just kind of sat there, looking bored, "nexting" each person because: A)I don't have anything to say to an anonymous stranger, and B)I didn't really want them to look at me. I have a certain voyeuristic side to me, I'll admit. But the exhibitionist side, not so well developed. Are the two diametrically opposed? I wonder how many people trying chat roulette are voyeurs and how many are exhibitionists. To be honest, most of them just seemed bored.

But to comment on the penis-action I saw that fateful afternoon...Why is it that the first thing people think of when they get their hands on new technology is to turn it into something sexual? When I was introduced to chat roulette via several reports on TV, it was immediately posited as a sexually deviant place. If someone had told me about the idea of chat roulette without mentioning any connection with sexuality, would I immediately have thought of the sexual angle people would play with it? Probably.

Oh the things humanity will do under the veil of anonymity... Until someone they know recognizes the identifying birthmark of a loved one's hand as he "anonymously" masturbates to strangers over the internet.

To close this discussion, here is a clip of chat roulette in action in a way that is creative, not creepy. There is an f-bomb in there, so don't watch it on high volume with your grandma or anything.

Rage on the Internets

I would like to think of myself as a normally calm and collected person, but this simply is not really the case. Thankfully I have come to shed my childhood temper tantrums, but I still get rage, a deep and blinding anger. Thankfully, I try to surround myself with positive and like-minded people to avoid rage-invoking exposures. Things I read online, however, really bring me closer than comfort to some of the people with opinions that trigger my anger. This leads to my unnecessary dwelling and unexplainable preoccupation over some racist asshole's comment on the Facebook group, [I am for] Making Drug Tests required to Get Welfare.

At this time, I will not go into the myriad of things wrong with this group. If your values align with my own, I don't need to. My problem is that I dwell on the fact that this group exists, and that people I am "friends" with are members of this group. I get so angry about this that I can't even get into an intelligible conversation or argument with anyone who believes this way because I can't craft an argument without getting emotional or belligerent (or both). And if I were to present a beautiful argument, wouldn't they just wait for their turn to present their counter-points, thus not listening to what I had to say anyway? That is probably what I would do.

Today, I was reading Sungold's post: Charging Hard against Dodge's Dude-ism. (To summarize, a feminist counter-commercial was produced as a response to Dodge's misogynist Charger commercial). I went to check out comments it was getting on youtube, expecting some "hell yeah" and "about time!"s. Instead...well take a look for yourself. As much as several hours after reading those comments and fuming over them for the first time, I was standing in line at Chipotle when I started thinking about the comments, the people who wrote the comments, and the unspeakable violent acts I wanted to perform at their expense. My face flushed up and my heart started racing. It was a Friday afternoon, I had no class, and I should have otherwise been enjoying myself thinking of my long weekend ahead. Instead, I was fuming and clouding my mind with negative thoughts because I read the words of people whose personal beliefs deviate a great deal from my own. And for what? It is not worth stressing myself out to this extent just because I am looking things of interest up on my free time.

I watch FoxNews, I get into arguments with my parents about Cash for Clunkers and homosexuality in the Bible. It is like I go out looking to pick fights. But I really don't excel at making eloquent arguments, no matter how strong my convictions. Maybe when I finally learn how to do that, I will stop spending my down time raising my blood pressure dwelling upon it.